Equatorial Musings

Gathering

2011-08-09T16:23:00.002+08:00

The other day, one of my ex-colleagues from MINDEF (where I had worked from 1996 to 2009) was in town. He's now living in New York working for a boutique fund and was back here for work and pleasure. I was told of his being in town by another ex-colleague, who was also my ex-uni mate. She was the one who arranged for the last-minute gathering.

Anyway, Eric, Seow Peng and I met at the Long Bar at Raffles Hotel. We had a few drinks and reminisce about the good old days when we all worked in the Defence Policy Office (DPO). We had lots of fun, not least because we felt on the top of the world doing what we thought were the most important work in MINDEF, and possibly in Singapore. We were Defence Policy Officers, and our work was crucial in ensuring Singapore's various harmonious bilateral and multilateral defence relations. Truth be told, while there were hard times, there were also good times. Like when we indulged in hilarious banterings and teasings, from word play to deliberately misconstruing each other's intentions, often with cheeky intent.

I had fun talking to my old comrades-in-arm, and I do miss my time in DPO. But all good things must come to an end, and as the Chinese saying goes, "there is no feast that has no end". I guess what I miss is the fact that these were good moments in my life. And they were when I believed that I could do no wrong, that I had a bright future ahead and I was prepared to risk it all to carve out my destiny. But that's in the past and I'm now restrained by years of experience, or more correctly fear. Fear of my mortality, fear of my limited ability to break out of my parentage, fear of my incapacity to see what I could unwittingly be sowing, and fear of the unknown. Alas, life is such that it's hard to master but one can only hope to do one's best and then hope for the best.

A New Fan

2011-04-25T21:56:00.003+08:00

I know that detractors of blogging find bloggers self-absorbed. Who really wants to know how they feel about anything and everything. It's enough that we live in an era where most people are concerned only about their own feelings and thoughts. There's no need to turn to the Internet to find more of such people that you already meet every day of your lives.

So here I am talking about my new fan. It's not so much that I got a new fan that's interesting to would-be readers. It's also not the fact that the new fan is a tower fan of the same make as the last one. Rather, it's the fact that the company in question, Europace, makes nice-looking fans but somehow fails to follow through by manufacturing equally decent remote controllers. The one that came with my new tower fan looks cheap and clumsy, and the cover feels like it's gonna give way any time.

Of course, my issue with the remote controller is minor next to larger world issues, such as global warming, growing income inequality and gruesome murders that litter the pages of our newspapers. But if we can't even get decent products that's meant to make our lives a bit easier, how can we expect that bigger issues stand a chance of being resolved! Of course, I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but I do hope that common folks stand up for their rights and fight for what they deserve, which is not being pushed around by companies out to make a fast buck. Don't get me wrong. I'm not accusing the company in question of anything. I'm concerned that companies can go down the slippery slope of sloppiness very easily, and it's just a few steps away from selling us crappy things.

Inception

2011-01-22T11:30:00.002+08:00

I've watched the show "Inception" twice, and recently bought the DVD so that I can relive the cinematic experience and Christopher Nolan's brilliance. For those who didn't catch the movie, and you should have, it's a show about planting thoughts (or in this case 1 thought) in people's minds. In the movie, Leonardo di Caprio's character was asked by Ken Watanabe's character to go into his competitor's son's mind to get him to break up the business empire his dying father will soon leave him.

To cut to the chase, the story involves putting the subject into a dream state where di Caprio's character and his accomplices can interact with the former in his/her dreams. In this case, there's a dream in a dream in a dream, i.e., 3 levels of dreams. So it's rather complicated, but if you're paying attention, you should've no problems following the plot. Of course, there are various theories on whether there's more than meets the eye from ardent fans.

One theory postulates that the whole thing was a dream. For instance, Ken's character interrupted di Caprio's in the toilet when he was spinning his totem, a top. He never tried again, so we don't know if he's awake or not. Second, we're told throughout the show that one cannot use another's totem. But di Caprio's character uses his dead wife's old totem, so does this mean it gives him a false sense of reality? Or, maybe all of them did wake up on the plane en route to the US, and the whole thing was di Caprio's character's dream on the flight?

Anyway, I think life can be likened to what happens in "Inception". There are people who choose to continue on a certain course of action because it makes sense, or if you like, it's the reality that they want or are comfortable in. Despite evidence to the contrary, they cannot see the follies of their ways, and they persist in their actions. Or, they think they're awake, or are attuned to reality, when they're in fact not. They cannot see that they need to kill themselves, as characters in the movie do to wake up, to regain true consciousness. But then again, what is true consciousness? Do we even know if what we experienced is true or not? If everything is in the mind, then we can talk ourselves into and out of anything. I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but I suppose what I'm saying is that who's to say what's real and what's not.

Quantitative Easing 2 (QE2)

2010-11-21T11:14:00.005+08:00

I'm not sure if everyone knows about this, but it's about what the US Feds is doing to kick-start the American economy. For those who know, yes again. In case you would like to know what it really means, here's a hilarious version. Suffice to say, it's tantamount to printing money at the end of the day, with all the negative implications that come with it. If you recall your basic economics, more money means lower interest rate. This makes it easier for companies to borrow and less attractive for consumers to save. All in, it's meant to keep everyone spending more so that the economy continues to be buoyant. While the first round of QE had done wonders, the questions is whether resorting to it again spells trouble. As we all know, too much of a good thing is never good for you. And QE is not even unequivocably good, so go figure.

Marina Bay Run

2010-09-14T22:49:00.010+08:00

Last Sunday, I woke up at the ungodly hour of 5.30 am. And the reason was I had to drive down to Suntec City, park my car and get ready for a 10 km run. Yup, you guessed it. I was one of the thousands of participants at the Singapore Bay Run. For sacrificing sleep and sleeping early on a Saturday night, I get to be one of those to run across the Marina Bay.

For those who read my earlier posts, you would know that I like to run (as well as read and reminisce). In recent years, my running has been intermittent at best. Before my personal crisis, I had run a lot more. In fact, I used to run up to 5 times a week. At one point, I lost so much weight people asked if I was sick. But I digress. Truth be told, I love running. But this was not always the case. It was something that grew on me. When I was young, I tried running but didn't get very far, both distance and determination wise. But after I persevered and continued running, I was able to run longer. And I started enjoying it so much that I looked forward to every run.

I'm trying to recapture that feeling. On this long road that is my life, I had taken a bad fall. It was so bad I never quite got back on my feet. Sure, I walk along it fine, but this is not living. It's existing, and there's a big difference between the 2. Just like when I first started running, I suppose I can learn to love it again. If I can learn to run again, I can also learn to pick up the pace of my life. Of course, others in similar shoes as I might disagree. It's much easier to throw in the proverbial towel. Life's just way too hard to master or figure out. But what if the tranquility from taking the easy way out damns you to a life of loneliness. Of course, there're risks in starting to run again, both physically and metaphorically. You can slip again and take a bad fall. But the returns are worth taking the risks. No matter what, we shouldn't live life as spectators. We're supposed to participate and suck the marrow out of it, as Mr Keating rightly puts it in Dead Poets' Society.

So, just like I'm starting to run again, I'll start to do likewise for my life. There's so many things I want to do, so many places I want to see and so many people I want to get to know before I die. And I'd probably not be able to do them all, but I'll be damned if I didn't try. So hear this, life! If I fall again, I promise you I'll rise again to continue running. Even if I've to crawl myself to the finishing line, I'll do it. For then I can face my maker and tell him I've tried to make the best of this life He gave me.

Chain Accident

2010-06-18T10:43:00.014+08:00

Last Sunday, I was driving along Choa Chu Kang North 7 (CCKN7) after taking a look at Barang Barang's pre-renovation sale at its Sungei Kadut showroom. For those who know of this high-end furnishing chain, it was recently in financial woes and has been sold off to its more mainstream competitor, Novena Furnishing. Anyways, I had just passed Regent Grove, a condominium near the corner of CCKN7, and saw that a car had stopped by the side of the road to alight a passenger. I immediately applied the brakes and my car stopped half a car's length before the front car. But alas, the car behind me obviously was not paying attention. Because it slammed into the back of my Ford Focus about 4 seconds after I stopped my car. My car, of course, hit the back of the car in front.

As neither my friend and I were aware that there was a car behind us, the impact caught us off-guard and we suffered whiplash consequently. Not that the effect was immediate though. I thought I was fine initially, but what a rude awakening I had the next day. Upon waking up, I realised my neck was so sore I couldn't lift my head up the normal way. I had to rotate my body such that I get up back first. And that was not all. The pain was accompanied by drowsiness and nausea. I went to see the doctor at Raffles Medical Group's (RMG) clinic at Northpoint and had the pleasure of seeing a senior lady doctor. While asking me for details of the accident, she started talking about her financial plight. This should be surprising, but one week ago, I had another experience with a male doctor there who talked to me at length about everything ranging from food to government policies. This was apparently part of my pre-employment examination! So I've come to accept that talkative doctors are part of the value proposition that RMG provides.

To cut a long story short, I was given 2 days' MC for the Monday and Tuesday past by the lady doctor. After going back to work 2 days ago, I still felt unwell and went back to RMG. The male doctor who saw me the first time attended to me and promptly sent me to Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH) to get an X-ray. You may know that Yishun recently had its own hospital, the Khoo Teck Phuat Hospital, but its A&E department wasn't open yet. So after having driven from Suntec City where I worked back to Yishun, I had to drive back to town to TTSH. By the time I got there, it was 8.30 pm. It took almost 2 hours to see the doctor, get an exam, receive a rather painful shot and be X-rayed. I was then sent to a room to rest, alongside 15 others in various medical conditions. By the time I was discharged, it was 1 plus in the morning.

If you think the above was the end of my ordeal, it is not. I still had to make a police report so that I can claim compensation from the driver of the car who hit my car. And my car will take 2 weeks to repair, although I was given a Corolla Altis to use in the meantime. If only the accident took place earlier. Barely 4 weeks back, I had spent $2K to repair my engine. If the accident had happened earlier, I could've saved the money. Oh well. I guess I should just be thankful that no one was seriously injured.

Passport, New and Old

2010-03-17T22:54:00.004+08:00

I recently came into possession of a new passport courtesy of ICA. It was during the fateful week when the agency was closed to walk-in applicants. I was permitted access because I had applied online the week before and was given the much-coveted pink slip inviting me to collect my new pass to the ports of the world.

In a way, my new passport signified a new start to my life. The old one was peppered with the immigration stamps of various countries I had visited with my then wife. They ranged from neighbouring countries like Indonesia and Malaysia to more far-flung ones like the UK and Maldives. The stamps represented bits and pieces of my life, albeit the better ones, as they are recollections of holiday trips past and gone. Looking at them now, however, forces uncomfortable questions into my mind as to what the hell had happened along the way.

But it's futile to torture one's mind with questions that cannot be answered in retrospect simply because we don't have the benefit of hindsight when we're dealing with the situation in real time. Learning from hindsight and emerging from unpleasant episodes in one's life unscathed is the preserve of those who live their lives vicariously, either through reading or hearing about others. To live your life and learn from mistakes means that memories of the past will often prick your heart and punish your mind, sometimes to disastrous effects.

I will put my old passport somewhere until I'm ready to throw it away. Not that I've any real desire to relive my past trips, but there's a comfort in knowing that you've really lived, even if those years were painful. The new one, which I'll be using increasingly more often, represents the proverbial blank sheet that I can start all over again. A canvas that I can paint colours into my not bland but yet not colourful life to get me off my butt in many areas: relationships, personal development, career etc. And the list goes on. It's a start and I hope to see it through because life is about moving ahead. If you stand still, you might as well be 6 feet under, so I will move on and move ahead. I'll do it even if it kills me. At least I can tell my maker I tried.

Hydrangea! Hydranges! Hydrangeas!

2010-02-17T12:39:00.009+08:00

I recently bought 2 pots of hydrangeas from Sinflora, which is located near Sengkang, and which is easily accessible from where I stay. I've always wanted to have hydrangeas in the house for as long as I remember. I had considered other plants to brighten up my new place, but nothing caught my fancy as much as hydrangeas. For those who've never seen this wonderful plant with ball-like flowers, you don't know what you're missing ; ) Take a look at what I've got to the left and I guarantee that you'd be tempted to go get a pot or 2.

For one, they're unique in that they can yield different colour flowers depending on the acidity of the soil. The more acidic the soil, the bluer the flowers. If you add alkaline to the soil, you'll get pink ones. And who can forget the ball-like blooms that reward you for watering the plants frequently and having them well-fertilised. They're happy flowers and add colour to even the most dull environment, not to mention one's life.

I've ambitious plans to try and propagate the plants, and having a mini-garden in the planter outside of my living room. But as in all good things, there's a need for consistency and patience before I see the fruits of my labour ; ) Having reach the age of 40 some 5 months back, I've come to appreciate the simpler things in life. I used to scoff at the idea of planting, although having a few pots at home hardly qualifies me as a gardener, but I now see why people spend time and effort to care for their plants. It's not just rewarding, in that they'll always bring giftings of sight and smell. It's also highly soothing in being able to look at the blooms that come with time.

We'll see how my 2 precious pots turn out. At $28 per pot, they're not exactly cheap, but I've a good feeling that they'll be just fine. They've enough sun where they are without being in direct light, and I hope to share their magnificent blooms with you (in photos that is) when they deem it's time to reward me ; )

Tiger Ladies

2010-02-16T12:04:00.004+08:00

As we enter the Tiger Year, I can't help thinking of all the Tiger ladies I've met in the course of my life. [I'm not being sexiest here, but I don't have many Tiger male friends, so I can't really comment on them.] Although I'm not into Chinese horoscope, and the Chinese believe that people born in the year of the 12 zodiac animals have some of their traits, most of the Tiger ladies I've come across do exhibit certain feline characteristics. They're strong and smart, but also highly competitive and territorial. In fact, woebegone to anyone who crosses their path. They're fiercely loyal but can nurse grudges, so you need to be on your toes if you work with them. If they're your friends, then you probably enjoy some latitude. But even then, you shouldn't take things for granted because as the Chinese also say, "one mountain cannot have 2 tigers".

What I admire most about my Tiger lady acquaintances, colleagues and friends is the fact that they're agile and adaptable. They can thrive in almost any circumstances and always seem to have things under control. For some reasons, bosses like them, even though men in general may not. The latter is because men tend not to appreciate dominant females, which they fear could become domineering. Even though we've stopped roaming the wilderness being hunter-gatherers, it's innate in most men to feel that they're the stronger sex. Of course, we still are in this day and age. But only in the physical sense. If you consider other aspects, women are equal. In fact, some of them do better than their male counterparts.

But of course, there are those men who don't mind accommodating stronger female partners and spouses. After all, not all males are alpha males back in the days when we roamed the wilderness. I can think of SNAGs who would be perfectly fine playing a more supportive role. But the question is whether all ladies, and not just those born in the Tiger year, want SNAGs. I think they generally don't mind having SNAGs as boyfriends and husbands, provided the men in their lives are not more sensitive than they are. Which brings us to Tiger ladies. While I think they like more accommodating men, I don't think they can stand having their men be overly sensitive. I can think of 2 reasons for this. First, being strong, they may see sensitiveness as a weakness. They either believe this or they've internalised this to the extent that they no longer question this. Second, sensitive men may remind them constantly of the reversal of roles in their relationships. I'm not saying that they're in abnormal relationships, but you tend to see males in more assertive roles as compared to women in general. Thus, even if Tiger ladies want sensitive men, they need to be assured that these men can be strong if need be. So I must say I don't envy these men. But then again, one man's food is another man's poison.

My Big Shift

2010-02-07T13:30:00.010+08:00

I recently moved house after imposing on my brother and my sister-in-law for slightly more than a year. I put off buying a new place initially because I had read about how the property market usually lagged the stock market, and it was supposed to tank in the later part of 2009. But I forgot that economic conditions are dynamic and every recession is different. The one that we just came out of, which threatened to be worse than the Great Depression of the 1930s, elicited unprecedented responses from governments around the world. Over here in our island state, the government introduced the Jobs Credit System, which subsidised companies so that they need not retrench as many workers. This also meant that people can continue to service their housing loans and even buy more properties. So instead of tanking, the market actually went up in tandem with the recovery of the stock market.

So I had to decide in Sep 09 whether I should use some of my savings to buy a new place. This was tricky because the money could be used to invest in stocks which was seeing a tremendous rebound. Of course, if property prices rose some more, I would be buying on the upswing and not at the top. Thankfully, I went for the latter after some research and talking to some of my smarter friends, and lo and behold, the property market continued climbing in the last 3 months of 2009.

Anyways, this shift was my fourth if you consider my family's Choa Chu Kang (CCK) flat as the starting point. I shifted out of that place in late 2004 after I got married to move into a rental along Bukit Timah in the Shelford area. I later shifted to our marital home in the East in Aug 06 when it was finally ready. I subsequently vacated the place in Nov 08 when my marriage failed and went to stay with my brother and sister-in-law.

To understand why I called my latest move the big shift, you need to understand that part of my stuff were in storage at a warehouse when I left CCK because the rental place was a 2-bedder. After I moved into the Kembangan place, things were not so good on the home front and I never brought out my things from storage. And of course, they stayed in the warehouse during my sojourn with my brother's family in Woodlands. So, after 5 years, all my stuff finally came under the same roof with me. Of course, I wondered why I kept some stuff, which I credited to good old fashioned sentimentality. But there were others which highlighted key periods of my life when I was growing up and they brought back memories.

When you're at my age, you realise more and more than life is not about being successful, at least not in the material sense. It's about the people you meet and the difference you made to each other. At the end of the day, I'd be very sad if few people came to my funeral because my legacy is nothing more than the relationships that I've formed and nurtured along the way. For my faith, it's also very clear that we're here not to serve ourselves but to do our part to steward the people that God puts into our lives.

Reflections on Leading Self

2009-11-27T13:14:00.004+08:00

The company I work for (in case you've forgotten, its no longer MINDEF) recently launched a Leading Self programme at the corporate level. Even though I've only been in the company for 4 months, I'm thankful that I'm able to work with our partner (which is a consultancy company specialising in this area) to scrub the programme and plan the roll out. On a personal basis, I must say there's tremendous resonance between what I believe and what I'm doing.

In my younger days, I really believed that life was just about going with the flow and being happy. I used to laugh at those who led purposeful lives thinking that they were slaves to their goals and objectives. But I've come to regret (in ways that are too expensive for most people) that I was being downright unwise. Life is short and no matter what your religious beliefs are, its really not about you. It's about living a purposeful life so that you can make a difference to your family, friends and others.

And how do you have a purposeful life if you cannot lead yourself. In an earlier entry, I talked about how John Maxwell's book opened my eyes to the fact that leadership is for everyone. The first person you lead is yourself and the first thing you master is your mind. This is such an obvious truth but a lot of people are blind to this. When bad things happen in their lives, the first thing they do is to blame others. Very rarely do they look within themselves. I used to do that - I used to blame my parentage and lack of patronage for my being disadvantaged in life - and I still struggle with this, but the fact is I'm responsible for everything in my life. Except for accidents and acts of God, everything else is my doing. This means I can do the correct things to set my life on the right course. I'm not a victim of my circumstances and conditions.

And this is why the Leading Self programme strikes a chord within me. Its about having personal effectiveness and learning practical habits to allow us to better balance work and life. Its about being the best that we can be and achieving our potential. And a big part of that is about taking control to start making changes and to take ownership of our self development. Of course, this needs a shift in mindset as John Maxwell correctly stated. We need to check our thinking for negative and destructive thoughts and mindsets. We need to realise that our thoughts create our reality. How do you expect to live a good and fulfilling life if you believe that people are bad in nature, that you're not good enough and that you'll never amount to anything. Henry Ford once remarked that if you think you can or you can't, you're right. So we should be very careful of what we read, who we listen to and what we dwell on everyday if we are to lead ourselves!

Relationships

2009-11-16T21:21:00.003+08:00

As a Christian, I believe that God gives us resources and relationships to help us along life's journey. Resources comprise time, talent and treasury, but it is relationships which is key. Relationships is what allow us to grow and progress to the next level. and vice versa. If you don't believe me, look at the major changes and milestones in your life, and there will invariably be someone you can credit or blame. As with most principles, this one cuts both ways too.

Which means that to grow, we need to leverage on the experiences and wisdom of those who are higher up on life's ladder. Please don't get me wrong - I'm not looking at people in an utilitarian way to meet our selfish needs. As human beings, we're not islands unto ourselves. We need relationships to survive and flourish because that's how we are created. We also need relationships to reach our potential. How many times do we hear of an inspiring teacher, friend, boss,or elder making a great impact to some one's life.

But what does that mean to us? What it means is that if you're the smartest person in your group of friends, you need new friends. I'm not suggesting that you jettison your existing friends. But you'll never go beyond your current level unless you know others higher up on life's ladder. In practice, this means that you need to reorder the relationships in your life. Your existing friends may not appreciate or like what you're doing. But their refusal to move up should not cause you to stay at your current level indefinitely. Once you've fulfilled your dream, be it getting that post-graduate degree, scoring a better paying job, dating that person you've been wanting to etc, you can go back and try to level up your friends.

Truth be told, friends stay together because they resonate with each other. And they do that because they have similar backgrounds, beliefs or likings. But this means that you'll never do anything different unless you meet new friends who challenge you to think differently and do different things. For how do you expect to change for the better if you continue doing the same thing day after day, month after month and year after year. And that applies to hanging out with your friends too.

Farewell - Part 2

2009-07-28T10:19:00.003+08:00

Last Friday, which was supposed to be my last work day, my officers and some of my friends in the office gave me a pleasant surprise. And it was not just the Raoul vouchers that got me going ga ga. It was the fact that they took the trouble to get people in the office to write their well wishes on post-it pads for my up-sized farewell card ; )

And this was not all - before the pads were put onto the card, they were all over my car. Yup, you read right. They were all over my car at the multi-story car park in MINDEF. Upon closer inspection, the pads not only had well wishes. They also had lipstick marks on them, and not all were from the gals!!! I saw the car because we were supposed to head out for lunch, so it was quite a shock initially to see my car plastered with small pieces of yellow papers. But the sight of Mei Ling, Pei Fen, Siok Ling, June, Eileen and Jason immediately brought a smile to my face. Here are the pics from Siok Ling's facebook if you're keen to take a look.

Anyways, I had lots of fun and I'll miss my people in the branch and the friends I've made in MINDEF. Thank you again all for making my stay a really great one!!!

Farewell - Part 1

2009-07-19T23:11:00.004+08:00

As part of my farewell, my officers and some of my friends in the office have arranged a series of dos, most of which involve drinking, to pave the way towards my final day at work. I must say I'm very touched by the attention and I really appreciate all their efforts. Its an understatement to say that I'll miss them and their friendship.

To start the ball rolling, we were at Timbre at Old School last Thursday. We arrived at 7.30 pm and didn't leave until 12 am. We had a roaring good time, what with beers, wines, cocktails, shots and all. When the first tray of tequila shots came, I had to down 3 at one go. And this was after 1 pint of beer, half a glass of wine and not much food. For those familiar with the properties of tequila, it has the ability to knock you out when you least expect it. Throughout the rest of the evening, I had 2 shots of B52 and sea breeze and God knows how many other shots of whiskey, courtesy of my friends buying a whole bottle of Chivas Regal. Of course, this was peppered by catching up with my old officers, Peggy, Janice and Min.

All in all, I had a wonderful time, never mind I had to 'merlion' 3 times. But this allowed me to keep myself sober for more drinking. Although our fellow patrons might think that we were drinking too much, it was really all in good fun. Even my current boss, Chad-Son, had to down a few cos Yi Young couldn't make it for his farewell next month. Not that I mind since there's someone else taking the heat for me. And the music wasn't bad too, especially when the lady singer started to sing the Wonder Girls' famous 'Nobody' song. It had the whole audience up in arms trying to mimic the hand movements that popularised the group! I must say I was pleasantly surprised even though I was somewhat wasted by then. I'm not sure what I did in response to the song being played. I take the fact that no one has said anything to me as a good sign that I didn't do anything I might regret.

So Long, Farewell Auf Wiedersehen

2009-07-18T12:39:00.005+08:00

For those who know, these are the evergreen lines from the chorus of one of the songs from "The Sound of Music" soundtrack. The reason this entry is so titled is because I'm bidding farewell to my colleagues, bosses and friends in less than 2 weeks' time. I've been with my current employer; MINDEF, since 1996 - a good 13 plus years. In that time, I've had the benefits of meeting good colleagues who became friends and nurturing bosses who were leaders, some of whom became mentors. Admittedly, there are more in the former than in the latter category (and I've talked about them before in my other entries). But I'm still grateful to all my bosses for their patience and kindness during their time with me. Since I'm leaving MINDEF, I don't mind saying that I'm thankful for good leaders (and not just bosses) like BG Yap, Chuan-Jin (who's also a BG now) and Mun Kit who helped me gain a good grounding in strategic defence policy work during the first 5 years of my stay in MINDEF. In my second and current department, I'm grateful for good leaders like Yi Young, Brandon, Kuan Meng and Chad-Son, whose trust in me encouraged me to take on different appointments and varied assignments/projects that has helped to stretch me further than I ever imagine possible. They've also led by example as to how a good leader should be, although its not always easy being sandwiched between management and staff.

In the last 2-3 years, I've realised that a person's mindset can severely limit his/her abilities. This period was the toughest, both in terms of me having to deal with a personal crisis and being asked to help out with a strategic HR study at work, as well as having to try my best to develop/groom 3 new officers. But I enjoyed every minute of it (the work part at least): the constant negotiation with various stakeholders, the mad rush to table papers to different forums which are held fortnightly or monthly, the nitpicking mindset to eyeball every detail to ensure that nothing falls through the cracks etc. In fact, I had a lot of fun, not least because I now enjoy strong camaraderie with my officers that is grounded on friendship and mutual respect. And I realised that nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it. Great thinkers who said that "If you think you can, you can and if you think you can't, you can't" knew what they were saying. Your mind can empower you to shake off whatever limitations you have or think you have so that you can reach your full potential and beyond. Or it can shackle you to indulge in constant negativity that will continually burden and defeat you throughout your life.

Now that I'm leaving MINDEF, it is with a bitter sweet fondness and pre-mature nostalgia. After all, I did meet my wife in MINDEF too, in addition to making many good friends. Shakespeare said it well when he had Romeo intoned to Juliet that "parting is such sweet sorrow". Although this was in a romantic context, the same can be said of leaving friendships that one has forged over more than a decade. To my friends and mentors (those in MINDEF and others who've left), thank you for a most fulfilling and memorable time in MINDEF. You've made my day, each and every one of them, during my time there. Thank you ; )

Wonder Girls

2009-07-01T23:37:00.007+08:00

I'm not sure if my friends are into Korean singers and songs, but I recently got hooked after one of my friends in the office, Siok Ling, introduced me to this amazing quintet of Korean girls who belt out this catchy hit song "Nobody" with equally catchy moves. In fact, the 'Wonder Girls' as they're called, are so big that there are performances in local clubs mimicking their sleek and sexy moves. I've also been told that there are dance classes teaching those interested how to dance the dance.

The other day I was watching the MV of the song and my niece happened to be in the room. And she took an instant liking to the tune and started following the moves. I was like, my God, kids are so happening nowadays. She was so into the song that she told me to join her. And this from a 5-year old girl! I can tell she's the type who relishes attention in school. Looking at her, I won't be surprised if she grows up breaking many boys and eventually men's hearts. But she's my niece, and I'm of course partial to her. While I won't say she can do no wrong in my eyes, she does get quite a bit of leeway from me.

Anyhow, if you're keen, do check out the MV at YouTube. Enjoy and don't feel embarrassed if you find yourself moving to the beat ; )

Social Contract

2009-06-29T22:56:00.006+08:00

I'm sure most of my friends know what's a social contract. Essentially, its a broad class of theories that explain the ways in which people form states and/or maintain social order. The notion of the social contract implies that the people give up some rights to a government or other authority in order to receive or maintain social order.

But the question is whether the same applies to relationships. By that, I mean relationships we willingly enter into, i.e., not those of the familial variety. The more I think about it, the more I think it does. Every relationship involves giving up some rights to the other person. By partaking of a friendship, you essentially agree not to disagree with, discourage or diss your friend. Not only that, you've to be supportive and sensitve to him or her. If not, we shouldn't be surprised if he or she stops talking to us.

However, if you watch 'House' the series, you'll realise that he doesn't believe in a social contract. While we can understand his callous treatment of his colleagues, we would be hard put to excuse how he treats his good friend, Wilson. Instead of being a supportive friend, he does everything most of us wouldn't do, such as invade his privacy, insult his sensitivities, and induce his worst fears, just to mention a few. But Wilson admits that he's okay with House' brand of friendship, if you can even call it that. This is because he tiptoes around everything and thinks thrice before saying anything to anyone. As least with House, he needn't have to because House doesn't give a rat's ass what people say to him. There's symbiosis in this relationship, which says a lot about why different people come together as couples and friends. So the next time we feel inclined to ask why 2 persons are together, we should do well to consider some of our more idiosyncratic friends and why they're in our lives.

Employee Engagement

2009-06-21T22:05:00.005+08:00

I've recently been reading a fair bit about employee engagement because I'm moving to another job overseeing this for my new employer. I know some people find engagement somewhat fluffy, but there's been enough research to prove that engagement is important. Engaged employees care about the future of the company. They are involved in and are fully enthusiastic about their work. They feel a strong emotional bond to the company and will recommend it to others, thus enhancing employer branding. Committed employees perform better, are more productive and are less likely to leave the organisation. It has also been shown that high employee engagement scores have a positive impact on customer satisfaction results. So does it mean I'm not longer engaged, hence my decision to leave the current job? Well, its not that simple. Suffice it to say that its time to go after more than 13 years with my current company.

When I interviewed for my new job, they asked me to do an essay about how to enhance staff communication and engagement, as well as ensure a strong employer branding. I listed 3 areas that an organisation needs to focus on. First, effective organisational leadership is key. It 's not just having a vision, the vision has to be clearly and persuasively communicated to employees. There's also a need to be consistent in striving to achieve the vision. Second, there's a need to involve employees and value their inputs. After all, communication is a 2-way process. This is especially important for change management. We always assume that people fear change. They may not if they're consulted and know what's coming. Third, there's a need to manage the company's reputation. It's important that employees and those outside the company see the organisation as a responsible corporate citizen. If the company is not socially responsible, employees would distance themselves from the business and eventually leave. Its crucial for the organisation to proactively manage its reputation.

As you can see, communication is key to achieving success in the above 3 areas. However, there're barriers to good communication. For a start, few managers see communication as part of their job. While giving people the information and instructions they need to do their jobs is part of the manager's role, communication is still seen as soft stuff. This is regrettable as its the hardest driver of organisational performance managers have at their disposal. Second, more often than not, managers don't have good communication skills. Its one thing to talk to friends and families. Its quite another to talk to reports and superiors at work, especially all at once. Third, there tend to be limited or inappropriate communication channels. While we've come a long way from the days of having an ex-reporter churned out the company newsletter, there's still some distance to go in overcoming poor channel infrastructure, usage and management.

While the above provides a sort of blueprint for any company to ascertain if what it has is working, I'm sure it takes hard work to improve engagement. But I think I'm geared up for it, especially having done HR work for close to 10 years. To be sure, engagement is more than HR. It can be anything from how management manages to how employees embrace the company's vision. For the company I'm joining, they're relatively new to this, so I've a free rein to propose how to get things started and sustained! I must say I'm taking on this new job by faith and trusting that God will lead the way. But I've a good feeling about this ; ) It sure feels like the start of a great new phase in my life. Amen!

Thoughts on Relationships

2009-05-26T23:13:00.002+08:00

I was inspired to pen down my thoughts after watching an episode of Commander in Chief; the series starring Geena Davis as the first woman President of the great US of A. The one I caught involves President Mackenzie Allen's first state dinner with the President of Russia. During the press conference, the Russian leader talked about the challenges of running a democracy and insinuated that President Allen should know as several of her Cabinet members had resigned that very day. This was 2 weeks into her presidency, which she took over as Vice President after the elected President died, and she was fighting a belligerent Speaker of the House played by Donald Sutherland.

What I liked about the show is the fact that Allen is a woman with strong moral courage who is not afraid to speak her mind. Of course, there are constraints in doing so in public, and she has to learn to navigate the treacherous waters that is Capitol Hill. While I've my misgivings about the self-righteous, beacon-to-the-world, manifest destiny beliefs of the Americans, I must applaud the fact that they truly believe in a government of, by and for the people. The protagonist engages in delicate horse tradings and dances through an intricate web of interests and agendas to get her job done. If you think she has her job cut out for her as Commander in Chief, you're sorely mistaken. In fact, while she commands respect because of the office she holds, she has to use her acute political acumen and womanly charms to achieve what she sets out to do.

Which brings me to what we do in our own lives. In some ways, we also have to navigate though the various relationships that criss-cross our lives. Family, friends and colleagues are people who define us and whom we depend on for our sense of identity and belonging. And if we treat them well, they're testimony to a life well lived. Of course, we need to do some horse tradings, albeit in more subtle ways, to get what we want by first catering to what they want. We need to play ball with those in the office to ensure that we are not disliked by those we see everyday so that our workplace doesn't become a hell hole. All in all, while we need not be Machiavellian in the way we conduct ourselves, we do need to be savvy around people. Those who think the best or the worst of everyone do themselves a dis-service by giving others an excuse to brand and banish them to the suburb of human relationships. I hope I'm making sense but it is close to midnight after all ; ) Night ...

Take Responsibility!

2009-05-15T00:16:00.005+08:00

God knows its been a while since I last blogged, but I recently got my hands on a self-help book and I'm dying to share. I know some people have reservations about such books, but I think they can be useful for one's personal development. For myself, the Bible is the main book I try to ground myself in because it contains so much wisdom for a wonderful and successful life. But I'm also willing to try other books that give good insights into how to better oneself.

The book I'm reading is called "How to Get from Where You are to Where You Want to be". Its by Jack Canfield; the guy who gave us "Chicken Soup for the Soul". From the start, the author tells us that we need to take 100% responsibility for our life. By this, he means that we alone are responsible for the state and quality of our life. No one; divine or otherwise, conspired to get us to where we are today. We are here because of who we are and what we do. If we're in a good place, its because of us. If we're in a bad place, its because of us. To be successful, we have to take responsibility for everything that we experience in our life. This includes the level of our achievements, the results we produce, the quality of our relationships, the state of our health and physical fitness, our income, our feelings - everything!

I'm sure you'll agree that its not easy. Most of us are conditioned to blame something or someone else for the parts of our life that we don't like. But taking 100% responsibility means that you stop making excuses for all the wrong things in your life. It means that you've always been in a position to make things right. True, you cannot change the circumstances and the people around you, but you can change yourself! Any outcome is the result of an event and a response - Outcome = Event + Response. You can either blame the event for the lack of results. Or you can change your response until you get the outcome you want. Deep down inside, I've always known this, but I've always been stuck in giving the same conditioned response. So going forward, I'm going to take a different perspective instead of lamenting the lack of results. When they don't turn out the way I want, I should ask myself what went wrong and how I could have done it better. This is a change in attitude and as my pastor keeps reiterating "attitude determines altitude".

Words Women Use

2009-02-01T22:40:00.004+08:00

I was stumbling and I chanced upon this website called "Funny Shit". And guess what, there's a section dedicated to words women used. Having taken a look, I must say that it is dead on. It really brings to mind the many times I've failed to take heed when those words were muttered. And boy, there was a price to pay for it. And the scary thing is you're never quite sure if you're done paying for any one mistake. Here they are.

Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five Minutes

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so it's an even trade.

Nothing

This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'

Go Ahead

At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Go Ahead (With Raised Eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead (Neutral Expression)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Loud Sigh

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

Soft Sigh

Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

That's Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow.

Please Do

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

Thanks

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

Thanks A Lot

This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

Our Greatest Fear

2009-01-29T00:17:00.004+08:00

Most people's greatest fear is of something negative. Fear of failure. Fear of losing a loved one. Fear of not being appreciated. And the list goes on. But is that really true? I think not. The greatest fear is fear of what you can accomplish. To be talented. To be brilliant. To be a great person. And yet not have the courage to realise your potential. So we live each day wondering. We wonder if we'll succeed, if we'll made good, if we'll get the accolades we rightly deserve.

Nothing encapsulates what I'm trying to say better than the quote below from Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

The New Year

2009-01-28T23:36:00.007+08:00

January. The first month of a new year. For the Gregorian calendar at least. Also the same month the Lunar calendar refreshed itself. Which doesn't always happen. And barely 3 days ago too! The tone of the first day, month or season sets the stage. That's what the Chinese believe. For what you may ask. The rest of the month, year and decades of course.

So I endeavour to start the year right. I even looked up my horoscope. Just to check to see what the fates have in store for me. Not that I really believe in it really. And guess what? Its supposed to be a great year for me. Apparently, I'd recoup all my losses. And I mean this in the most generic way possible. Finance, career, love and what have you not.

So I'm waiting with bated breath to see how things will turn out this year. Mind you. I'm not just gonna let lady luck have her way with me. I intend to grap things by the horn and be a participant. At least I can then boast about playing a part. Never mind, its only a calafare bit part. Anyway, I reckon its about time anyway. For my luck to change, that is. Especially after all that has happened in the last couple of years.

PS: I'm trying out a new and more bare style of writing. I think what's not said can convey as much as what's said ; )

Leadership Development

2009-01-04T22:30:00.003+08:00

When I was growing up, I always thought that leadership was the domain of those destined for greatness. But over the last couple of years, I've come to realise that leadership is something that all of us should work on, regardless of our station in life or position at work. Recently, my boss gave me a book by John C Maxwell on the "21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership" and it further cemented my belief. I've heard a lot about Maxwell from my friends and I wasn't disappointed when I started flipping the pages. In fact, the first chapter drove home the point that leadership ability is important to all of us. In short, he asserts that it is the lid that determines a person's level of effectiveness. The lower a person's ability to lead, the lower the lid on his potential and vice versa. This makes a lot of sense because a leader is someone who has a vision and can chart the way forward, who works on his personal development ceaselessly and who adds value to others.

On a personal front, a lot of the above characteristics would benefit us in our life's journey and in seeking out its meaning. At the end of the day, unless you've a vision and mission for your life, you're likely to drift along aimlessly. I find it strange that a lot of people don't sit down and ponder over what they want to do in life. This is also why most of them, yours truly included until not too long ago, don't have a personal development plan. When we're in school, things are simpler because our purpose then is to be educated and to get a degree if possible. But once we start working, its almost as if we think that we're done learning. But if we look back, most of us would recall that school days were the best times of our lives. And there's a reason why. Its because we were constantly learning new knowledge and developing ourselves through various extra-curricula activities. Yesterday during church service, my pastor also exhorted us to have a plan to ensure that we grow in our education (both the secular as well as spiritual aspects), creativity and character. And he's not talking about new year resolutions, he meant a long term plan for our development. So I'm now cracking my head to distill what other areas I need to focus on to develop myself as a person so that I can be more effective as a friend to my my friends, a son/brother to my family and a boss to those placed under my charge.

Indy - A Role Model

2008-12-15T23:34:00.000+08:00

I know I'm showing my age when I talk about Indiana Jones (or Indy as his friends call him) but believe me you that he's one of the most successful celluloid heroes to come out of tinsel town. I watched his movies while growing up and he has never failed to deliver the right mix of action, fun, humour and even a dash of romance. What is interesting about Indy is that he's both a romantic and a cynic, which I suspect most of us are too. Its okay if we hover between the 2 extremes. The risk is that we may become so cynical that we no longer dare to take the plunge.

In a way, we should try to be like Indy. Despite being betrayed and shot at by so-called friends, he has never failed to trust again. In fact, I sometimes wonder if he's a tad naive. How can anyone be in his position, i.e., stranded in some strange land or caught up in some heinous conspiracy, trust anyone so easily. And we're not talking about beautiful ladies only, which I suppose you could excuse him since he's only human. He seemed to have no problems trusting both sexes, until of course they turned around and double crossed him. While we may not want to be so gullible, we can still learn a thing or two from Indy. He never let those who betrayed him get on his nerves for very long. Once he's done fighting his way out of the tricky situation that his recently acquired foe has landed him, he's well on his way to another treasure. And of course to knowing another "friend" or two.

While Indy's met many fake friends, he's also gotten to know a few true ones, even if they're sometimes his spurned lovers ; ) Like most heroes, his most staunch supporters tend to be those who swoon over him and who go weak in the knees. But he's no James Bond who's always able to bed whoever he wants to. He's more like your adventurous boy-next-door who knows his treasure and history, especially as they come together in some mysterious and magical artifact. Maybe its because of this that he's able to trust so easily. Deep down inside, he's still very much a boy, which explains his child-like approach to friends and foes alike.

Korean Dramas

2008-12-11T00:18:00.003+08:00

When I was younger, I was extreme in my likes and dislikes. For example, I absolutely eschewed korean dramas and I thought followers of such dramas downright pathetic. Not that I had the moral high ground to feel this way because I used to and still watch the occasional hong kong serials.

Some months back, I chanced upon KBS World on cable channel 173. It was 11 plus at night and I had trouble sleeping, so I was channel surfing. A pretty korean lady caught my attention and I continued watching the show as the plot unfolded. It turned out to be a romantic comedy called 'The Little Bride". It has an interesting premise - the grand patriarchs of 2 traditional families arranged a marriage between their grandson and granddaughter. The grandson was a good 10 years older, but the 2 families soon lost touch because the girl's father had to flee his debtors. Anyway, almost 2 decades later, the boy is a grown man of 28 years and he is now a public prosecutor. And the girl is a pre-u student waiting to sit for her uni exams. They finally met and what followed was a series of hilarious and heartwarming events that continued to entice me back to the same time slot each night. In fact, I got so hooked that I asked my colleagues if they had bought the vcd/dvd of the drama. As it turned out, Vanessa, one of my friends in the office, had it. And so it was that the weekend that followed, I hardly left the house. The rest as they call it was history.

While I wouldn't call myself a korean drama fan, I've gone out and bought a few serials to watch at home. My mom also didn't used to like korean shows, but she's been following each of the serials I've brought home. So the point of this blog entry is that its never good to be dogmatic about most things (although morality is one of the exceptions) since there're good and bad sides to them. Nothing is ultimately so bad that its worthless. The fact that a particular thing appeals to people (and I mean things that can be talked about and showed in public) says something about its utility. And korean dramas, which by the way are way better than local and even some hong kong serials, have a way of temporarily easing the pain and drudgery of everyday life. In a way, its not unlike hollywood but on a modest scale. Good-looking actors working with even better plots make for a good recipe for a thoroughly enjoyable time. Of course, we should avoid watching a serial at one go as it means burning the weekend. I'm sure there're more important things to do and more interesting people to meet. But then again, there might not be.

Good Friends

2008-12-03T22:45:00.004+08:00

Like most people, I've had my share of good friends from school and from work. When I was younger, they tended to be more guys than gals. In fact, my best friends in secondary school were 2 guys; one was my fellow classmate Chee Peng while the other was his friend in another class. We spent a fair bit of time, including getting our monthly hair cut, together. After secondary school, we parted ways and headed off to different paths. The guy from the other class attended the same JC as I and we touched base intermittently, but I lost touch with Chee Peng. The fact that he was the bridge between the other guy and I meant that we also didn't talk much thereafter. I saw him once in a while in uni but nothing more than the obligatory "hi" transpired between us.

In JC, my good guy friends were Adrian and David. Adrian was your typical ACS boy and we all know what mischief these boys can get up to. Of course, they are also charming and suave, as Cheryl my friend from work will readily testify. David was from SJI and he was studious and somewhat serious, but he's the one who stuck around longer. Last I heard, he's into special children education and is now working in Australia. However, when I got married in 2004, it was Adrian who turned up as David couldn't make it. And guess what, he attended my wedding with his wife who hailed from China. Who'd have guessed that an ACS boy would tie the knot with a Chinese gal but love knows no boundaries I guess.

In uni, my good friends were Loon and Selina. When I first saw Loon, he came across as your typical happy-go-lucky guy with a devil-may-care attitude. But the more I got to know him, the more I realised that he had a sensitive side to him. He can be contemplative of life and whether true love was possible. I'm glad he found his in the end working in MHA and he's now happily married with a little girl. We used to joke about how we should never gamble cos his surname was Su (meaning lose in Chinese) and mine was Liao (meaning gone in Chinese). I only became close to Selina during our honours year. She, Loon and I were in the history honours class. She can be competitive but I came to appreciate her fierce friendship and her ability to be objective. Sometimes I think that she's more rational than most gals I knew then. But once we started work, we drifted apart. She worked in the same ministry as I but her department operated ala vatican city in Rome. We hardly talked and I suspect she thinks I'm no longer good enough for her social circle.

Anyway, the friends that I know came and went. Some of them are still around, although they're not exactly in close orbit. Which makes me wonder whether its my fault that I didn't try harder to keep in touch. At different junctures in my life, they played important roles in my growth as a individual. They shared with me how they thought about and saw the world and all that was in it. Maybe they're not meant to be my constant companions in life's journey. Perhaps we're meant to traverse each others' lives as we move through time and space. Looking back, I do miss them and I wish I still had their addresses so that I can send them a Christmas or New Year card. Just a few sentences to say I appreciate their friendship and that I'm thankful for the time they invested in me as a friend.

East to North

2008-12-03T12:58:00.001+08:00

Early last month, I shifted out of my 3-bedroom condo in the east to stay in my brother's jumbo flat in the north for a couple of months. [I had sold my place and am now waiting to buy another apartment when the property market's softer next year.] Although its a jumbo flat, I only have a room as compared to having the whole apartment to myself in the past. This aside, I've to get used to living with my parents, my brother and sister-in-law and my niece and nephew. To say its a big change is an understatement.

While I wasn't quite the hermit before the shift, I had gotten used to having a lot of time and space on my own. And the funny thing is being alone doesn't always mean you're lonely. But you can be lonely even if you're surrounded by people, which is how I feel sometimes. In addition, I've to get used to living in the north, which is not glamourous by any stretch. But it has its charms, such as the neighbourhood centre with all sorts of knick knacks for sale. I had forgotten about this since leaving my previous flat in Choa Chu Kang.

On the whole, I wouldn't say it was a humbling experience. It takes a while to get used to living in the heartland again, but I realise I'm more resilient than I thought. I must say I've had fleeting thoughts of self-pity before I shifted. But having been here for more than a month, its more good than bad. At the very least, I can play with the kids, have access to my mom's cooking as and when I'm home and be able to take care of my parents a bit more than before. Its a funny thing when you're older that you don't mind spending time with family. I guess you realise they're the ones who'll always be there for you. Blood is after all thicker than water.

Spectator Sport

2008-11-28T23:09:00.002+08:00

Wikipedia defines a spectator sport as one characterised by the presence of spectators, or watchers, at its matches. Such sports include cricket, basketball, football, ice hockey etc. I remember reading one of Umberto Eco's articles which likened spectator sports to a kind of voyeurism.

I know that I might incur the ire of some of my friends, but I think Eco is right to some extent. Voyeurism is about deriving pleasure in watching others engage in intimate behaviours. This is not unlike a spectator sport where excitement and exhilaration come from watching the players exert themselves, albeit in a non-sexual way. The difference is that the participants are unaware in the first instance while they are very much in the know in the latter case. But here the difference ends. In both cases, pleasure is derived from watching the participants and without the spectators engaging in the act itself.

Public Transport

2008-11-28T22:39:00.003+08:00

Since getting a car in early 2005, I've had limited contact with public tranport. Oh, all right, more like no contact because I don't even own an ezylink card. But that changed recently when my car broke down and I had to take the train for 3 days.

I must say it was fun riding the train, and not just because its been a while since I last commuted this way. Novelty aside, it gave me time to read moving from point a to point b. I realise how I was able to read much more in the past. The ample time spent travelling allowed me to go through more books than I can now. Not that I'm making excuses for my less-than-decent contributions to a book review blog recently, but you can chalk up many books on a 1-hour ride to and from work each day. By the way, I'll have you know that I was among the top students who read a lot during my primary school days ; )

In addition to reading, there's also people-watching. I'm always amazed by the behaviour of people on public transport. They sleep and drool, pick their nose and twirl their hair as if they are among family members or friends. Perhaps the many years of commuting has lured them into a sense of familiarity such that they are less inhibitive. But public display of certain habits, such as clearing one's nasal cavity, is never alright. This aside, one wonders what goes through their minds as they wait for their turn to alight. Are they replaying the day's events, reconsidering their decisions or reminiscing about better times in their minds. Or are they looking ahead, sure of what they've chosen in life and happy in the here and now. One really wonders which group is the majority.

Love

2008-10-13T23:00:00.003+08:00

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Eventful Friday

2008-09-19T17:20:00.003+08:00

When I came to work yesterday, I had the most pleasant of surprises. The people in my branch had taken the trouble to clean up and decorate my cubicle. The former cos I tend to be a bit untidy. The latter cos my birthday's coming. Given that they had stayed behind after work on Thursday evening to get everything done, I was touched to say the least. What they did was to play on my name Don and decorated my cubicle into a sushi place selling all types of don, which of course is rice in Japanese. There was also a trail of paper cockroaches being attracted to my cubicle in view of the 'food' on my table and the wall immediately behind my chair. I had a good laugh and some of the other colleagues joined in the fun too. I must say I really appreciate the time and effort they took to give me the surprise.

For lunch, my people, a friend from another branch and I went to Lot1. No prize for guessing what we ate - sushi of course. But we passed on the mini dons promotion ; ) After that, I had to run some errands (more like to get books and stationery for my nephew/niece) before regrouping to go back to the office. Before that, I went to the loo and lo and behold, my zip gave up on me and I had to ask one of the ladies (did I mention I was in the company of 4 ladies?) to get me safety pins. Talk about wardrobe malfunction! And after lunch with 4 ladies too! I must start exercising more often - sigh. But they were nice about it and recounted their own episodes of wardrobe malfunction. These range from a broken bra strap, a tear in the side of a top and a slit in the skirt. While their wardrobe malfunctions were not in the Janet Jackson category ; ), their sharing helped to mitigate the extreme embarrassment I felt.

So, all in all, I had an eventful Friday. Let's hope the next wardrobe malfunction will be a long time in coming or not at all. But do let me know of your own wardrobe malfunction episodes. Maybe I can do a compilation and the best one wins a drink or something - ha ha ha.

My First Baking Class

2008-09-13T13:13:00.008+08:00

Last evening was the first time I tried my hands at baking, along with 5 other friends from the office. At the end of 3-plus hours, we made 2 desserts. I used the word 'made' cos one of my friends, Wei Ching, pointed out you don't technically bake tiramisu. Touche. Anyway, the other dessert was mixed berries oats crumble, which entailed baking.

The verdict - it was really fun, even though the 6 of us were split into 3 tables cos we arrived a tad late. Jason, June and Siok Ling were at one table, Cheryl and I another while Mei Ling kindly volunteered to join a third. What made it fun was the fact that the instructor was a nice man with lots of patience. He went through the recipes with us and completed some of the more time-consuming processes (like making whip cream and boiling syrup water etc). During the making of the crumble, we were supposed to add in the eggs one after another into the mixer, but one of the groups did it a bit too fast and with hilarious results. It was also enjoyable as the class was very sporting and we all took turns to mix the ingredients, fold the mixture and wash whatever needed washing.

While making the tiramisu did not require baking, it was not exactly a walk in the park. When the ingredients were being mixed, you had to stop the mixer periodically to scrap the mixture down from the side and turn up the bottom to get a even mix. After that, you had to fold the mascarpone cheese with tiramisu compound and mocha coffee powder into the mixture. Of course, the instructor did it with much more flair and finesse, unlike the rest of us who handled the spatula with as much grace as a fat man doing ballet. Making the crumble was a hoot, partly because we tried to put in as much berries as we could. But this resulted in having to bake them much longer than anticipated, which was why the 3-hour lesson went into overtime ; )

At the end of the class, we were quite tired as we had stood on our feet the whole evening. This, plus the fact that we went for a tree-top walk along the southern ridges in the afternoon (as part of our division's cohesion programme), meant that we were ready to hit the sack. Of course, some of us couldn't wait to try the tiramisu and crumble upon reaching home. And I must say we were all proud of our creations, albeit aided by our instructor and fellow classmates. Let's say this won't be the last time the 6 of us ventures into a baking class.

Another First

2008-09-08T23:30:00.002+08:00

This is turning out to be a year of many firsts. In Jan, I started a blog after toying with the idea for years. Then, I bought a digital SLR, again after many years of thinking about it. Now, I'll be trying my hands at baking. Come this Friday, I'll be making tiramisu, among other delectable desserts. It's one of the many welfare events that my company organises and I was inspired to go for it after seeing the email. I also promptly roped in my colleagues, who may have obliged because I also happened to be their boss. But I'd like to think they also look forward to learning how to bake too, and perhaps not to the same extent, spending some quality time with me - ha ha.

I must say I'm looking forward to learning how to bake. I've always been amazed by how chefs can whip up the most dazzling and delicious dessert. I'm sure its both an art and a science. An art because it takes an artiste to create new recipes and present their creations in a way that is both scintillating and sensual. A science because you need to know the right balance of ingredients and how long it takes to bake them to perfection. But most of all, I've always known that food is more than just sustenance for the body. It can be a way to one's soul if you know how to exploit its effect on our sight, smell and taste. If you don't believe me, just look at how different cultures prepare and present their food.

Einstein

2008-08-28T23:14:00.002+08:00

For some reasons, I've always liked Einstein. But then who doesn't. Although a genius, he was not one to take himself seriously. One only needs to look at the way he styled his hair to know he had a great sense of humour. And he wasn't just smart too. He was wise beyond his time. And there's a difference between the two. Smarts may give you a good living, but its wisdom that makes a life. If you don't believe that Einstein's wise, check out his quotes.

I especially like his quote on insanity, which is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. You'd think that this should be obvious to all of us. Yet, if you look around, you'll realise that things are quite the contrary. In fact, we ourselves are often to blame for this. We wonder why we're stuck in life when we keep doing the same things day in day out. To move ahead or out of the place that we're in, we need to change. And it starts with our mind before we can pull it into reality.

The other quote I think makes a lot of sense is that not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. This should remind us that a lot of things that count in life cannot be counted. How do you quantify the times we held hands, embraced and kissed that special someone in our lives. How do you count the moments we whispered sweet nothings into each other's ears or just looked lovingly into each other's eyes. They cannot be counted, but they're the most precious moments in our lives and we do well to treasure them.

Bibliophiles Beware

2008-08-24T00:06:00.001+08:00

Bibliophiles of the world, unite! I've always wanted to do that, so please indulge me. Anyway, for the uninitiated, I was borrowing a phrase from the Communist Manifesto by Marx and Engels. It just seemed fitting to do so since the manifesto, like a book, comes under the category of reading material, and bibliophiles just love to read. But of course, this manifesto had an immense impact on human history, as it was the ideological undergird of every communist wannabe state from Cuba to China, not to mention Russia of the iron curtain era.

Anyway, this excuse of a blog entry is about books. I've always loved books, and not just for their ability to transport you to seemingly parallel universes or to another world that you'll never know if not for our glorious writers. I'm also very much taken by how a new book smells, how it feels to the touch and how it promises to deliver a good read. There's so much anticipation wrapped up between the covers of a book, and I suspect an equal amount of disappointment for those who are eventually let down. But I believe that those gems of a read that come one's way make up for the other not-so-good ones that you've to go through in the process. Or perhaps we should be less critical of the normal reads because they still satisfy the desire for a good story, albeit to a much lesser extent than if one were to read a great book.

Sometimes, I wonder if its possible to spend so much time reading that we end up not living our lives. Not that the chance of this happening en masse is high, given that there're many people who don't need all their fingers to count the total number of books they've read. But I'm concerned that those who read consistently and constantly may miss out on seminal moments in their lives. They may feel enriched in their minds, but this is not backed up by actual experiences lived out in the actual world. Life, as we know it, cannot be lived vicariously through reading other peoples' feelings and thoughts. It has to be savoured with all the attendant pleasures and pain, and taken in cautiously or carelessly depending on one's inclination and beliefs.

Character is Fate

2008-08-16T19:57:00.001+08:00

For those into philosophy, "Heraclitus" should be a familiar name to most. After all, he's probably one of the first to say that character is fate. But I first came upon this notion during my junior college days. As part of my class' English Literature syllabus, we had read Thomas Hardy's "The Mayor of Casterbridge". And of course we debated at length if Henchard's character caused his rise and downfall.

For a long time, I've always thought that we were destined for greatness or ignominy based on our character, and there was nothing we could do about it. I'm talking about those of us who aren't born great and who aren't likely to have greatness thrust upon us. But I was wrong, and I suspect I'm not the only one. Of course our life is an outcome of the choices we make. And our choices are grounded in our character. But we're not victims of our character because we can decide to change our character, and this is what differentiates us from animals.

Regardless of our background, education and experiences, we can choose to rise above our circumstances and cultivate a good character. I'm not saying that it'll be easy, but we can decide to overcome or be overcomed by what we've gone through. If you persevere, you'd end up with a tenacious attitude to deal with all kinds of circumstances and achieve success. So re-shape your character and your new choices will pave the way for a brighter future!

Sky Shot

2008-07-29T22:30:00.001+08:00

A sky shot I took from my yard while doing my laundry. I must say it turned out quite decent ; )

Love is Rooted in One's Will

2008-07-29T15:17:00.003+08:00

When I was younger, I believed wholeheartedly that love is rooted in one's emotions. If your heart flutters when you see someone you like, then it must be love. Or if you sleep with someone and experienced sexual highs, then it must be love. But I'm afraid they're nothing more than just lust in action. And of course, there's no such thing as love at first sight. Lust definitely, but not love. When people fall in love based on their emotions alone, they basically choose to react to their instincts. And when this happens, they come close to acting like an animal. An animal, as we all know, reacts only to instincts, such as to preserve, protect, feed, propagate itself etc.

Love, on the other hand, is rooted in one's will, i.e., you choose to love after finding out more about the person. It's usually accompanied by emotions but love is very much a conscious decision. And once you've decided to love someone, you then cement it by a commitment to that aforesaid person. What this means is that when someone says they've fallen out of love with you, what they're really saying is they've decided not to love you anymore. Or they never loved you in the first place because they mistook lust for love. Either way, they'll then moved onto the next person, and this pattern will be repeated throughout their lives. For those in the latter category, hopefully they'll learn what is love and stop living their lives in a vicious cycle of moving from one person to another based on their emotions. If not, they're destined to continue slaying one victim after another at the altar of love (or so they think).

Spare the Rod ... Not

2008-07-06T08:54:00.002+08:00

As one of my weekly must-dos, I had dinner at my brother's place last Thursday. After dinner, we settled down to watch tv and do some light catching up. My nephew, whose name is Yong Jie, decided that this was the night he would push the envelope of acceptable behaviour. He started with asking to play the PSP, which his mom and dad both said no to. He then offered to teach me how to play the racing game on it, which was his favourite, in case I was dextrously-challenged. Of course, his parents saw through the ruse immediately and my brother in particular told Yong Jie in no uncertain terms to behave. But my nephew chose to up the ante and tried to manja his mom, in an attempt to play one parent against the other. That got on the nerves of my brother, who promptly gave his dear old son a few whips of the cane. Of course, my nephew threw a fit and started crying, which only earned him more caning.

It's not easy to see a kid being caned, much less your own nephew. While I don't disagree with what my brother did, it was still painful to see Yong Jie being disciplined. I wonder if I could do the same if I had kids. But I've always believe that you spoil the kid by sparing the rod. Take me for example, if my mom had not caned me during my childhood for all the mischief I got up to, I'm not sure if I'd have learnt right from wrong, and I would've grown up very spoilt and self-centred. I still remembered my primary school friend and I were caught shoplifting once. (In case you're wondering, we stole a plastic scale model kit of an aircraft - airfix for those who're old enough to know.) The manager told us to bring our parents there instead of calling the police. That night was one of the worst nights of my existence as I told my mom what had happened. She gave me the thrashing of my life, which to this day I still winced when I think about it, before going with me to see the manager the next day. Of course, the worse part was subjecting my mom to the humiliation of having to apologise to the manager. From that day on, I resolved never ever to let my mom down again. I dug in my heels and studied as hard as I could so that I can make her proud. It was as if I had to redeem myself in her eyes and I hope that I've done so after so many years.

Recent Shots

2008-07-01T23:53:00.007+08:00

These are some of my recent flora/fauna shots. Of course, they were processed with an image software to bring out the colours more vibrantly ; )

The Good Life

2008-06-26T00:28:00.001+08:00

I just caught another re-run of 'Saving Private Ryan' on HBO. I first watched it in 1998, which was when it came out, after my second relationship ended. I watched it again with my wife during our honeymoon in the Maldives in Nov 2004. To say this movie holds a special place in my heart is therefore a gross understatement. I've since seen it countless other times and it never fails to deliver.

There are many seminal moments in the movie. One had Tom Hanks' character, CPT John H Miller, diffusing a potentially explosive situation among his subordinates by telling them his job back home. Apparently, the soldiers had been betting on what his profession was. And of course who can forget the intense 20-plus-minute opening which depicted the Omaha beachhead assault during the D-day invasion of Normandy. But to me, the key moment was when Miller lies dying on the bridge, just after they had thwarted the Germans' advance. He pulled Ryan to him and told him to "earn this moment"; i.e., to make sure that his life was worth something as many men had died to bring him back to his family. [For those who haven't watched this movie, its about Miller and a group of 7 rangers who were ordered to bring back PFC James Francis Ryan as his 3 other brothers had all been killed in action. You need to watch this as its a movie with a lot of heart.] At the end of the show, an aged Ryan stood in front of Miller's gravestone at Arlington National Cemetery with tears streaming down his eyes. He said that he hoped he had lived a good life in the eyes of Miller and that he thought about what Miller had told him every day.

The good life, to many people, is about material comfort and having arrived at a good station in life. Very seldom do we hear people talk about being a good man and living the good life; a life that brings out one's potential and impacts those around him. And even more rare do we see someone actually living out such a life. I was touched by how deeply Ryan felt when he asked his wife if he had been a good man. Much as this may sound cliche, we should all strive to live the good life; a life that's full of character, that's constructive and that's edifying to ourselves and those around us. The good life, according to Bertrand Russell, is inspired by love and guided by knowledge. May we all live the good life so that others may remember us for who we are and not what we have.

Eureka

2008-06-21T11:39:00.001+08:00

As you know, I recently acquired a 2nd-hand camera; a Canon EOS 300D. But by some happenstance, I chanced upon something about my camera. Apparently, it shares the same platform and almost the same CMOS (or Complementary metal–oxide–semiconductor - which is used in microprocessors, static RAM, and other digital logic circuits) as its bigger and costlier brother; the EOS 10D. Because of this, it's possible to install unofficial firmware modifications (or hacks) to enable some of the features on the 10D that were disabled in the 300D. They include allowing a higher ISO setting, flash exposure control, mirror lockup, single-shot auto focus and and a host of other custom functionalities. Given that the 10D used to cost more than twice the 300D, I was of course anxious to check with the previous owner if his camera was "juiced" up. To my delight, the answer was a resounding 'yes'. Not that I've mastered the basic functions of the 300D, but knowing that my camera has additional functions is an added boost for me to do so ; )

In any case, I've been making photographic hay while the sun shines (and even when it doesn't - haha). Ju-Lyn (who's a good friend with her heart in the right place), Van (another friend who's more active than some of my male friends) and I took some shots of our department's latest cohesion event. You can check them out at 'My Photo Album' to the right of my blog.

Know HR

2008-06-21T11:38:00.000+08:00

I've been in HR since 2001. While there have been many ups and downs, I must say I still enjoy my job. Especially my current portfolio which allows me to participate in more strategic-level thinking and doing. As part of my on-going education, and I do believe one is never done learning, I try to suss out new ideas and trends from the web that may be useful to my work, or for that matter, my life.

Recently, I came across a blog by 2 HR consultants; Frank Roche and Sarah Chambers, called Know HR. While there're many websites and blogs about HR, this one stands out for its straight-talking style. The authors make it very clear they don't like HR jargon, unless they're making fun of it ; ) But they're not cynical have-beens in the HR profession. Rather, they really believe that people want to do a good job and that there are ways to motivate them, but communication is key. I especially like their recent post about the way to interview someone. Basically, you should take him/her out to lunch and see how he/she treats the waiters. And after interviewing him/her, ask your receptionist and support staff what they thought. In another post, they said point-blank that HR models should be thrown out: just writing the word 'engagement' on some model doesn't make people more engaged.

Anyway, for my fellow HR compatriots, do check out the blog if you can spare the time. I guarantee it'll make you take a new look at what you do. Sometimes, I think that the rhetoric (in the form of how we market new HR schemes/provisions etc to employees) that we deal with becomes our reality.

Random Pics

2008-06-14T14:43:00.008+08:00

Here's a pic of a Bali-themed unit at the condo across from my place. I think it looks quite fetching and I wouldn't mind staying there ; )

I'm also playing around with night shots. This one is taken at a high ISO setting to compensate for low light without using the flash, but its grainy. Apparently, upping the ISO results in such 'noise'. By the way, ISO stands for International Standard Organisation - go figure.

For more pics, please see my picasa album:

Random Pics

Pics of My Nephew & Niece

2008-06-10T17:56:00.004+08:00

Here are some shots I took of my nephew and niece. I think they're not great but they're better than those taken by a digicam ; )

My First DSLR Camera

2008-06-10T16:31:00.001+08:00

After talking about it for so many years, I finally bought a dslr camera. Mind you, its a second-hand one but I thought I had better try it out before plonking in serious dole on a really high-tech one. (If you want to know, I got the Canon EOS 300D, which is 3-4 years old and can deliver only up to 6.3 mega pixels of picture quality.) For the uninitiated, dslr stands for digital single lens reflex. The main difference between a dslr camera and a digicam is that you compose your shots through the viewfinder and not the LCD display. The image that you see is directed from the lens by a mirror upwards to the viewfinder. This means that you see more details of your shots and you don't have to worry about the glare on your LCD. Of course, a dslr camera also gives you more creative control as you can adjust the shutter speed, aperture value etc. If you're just gonna leave your dslr on automatic mode, you're better off with a digicam.

Ever since I was initiated into the world of National Geographic, I've always been intrigued by photography and dslr cameras. For those who know what I mean, the pictures that the magazine features are as breathtaking as they are beautiful. How can anyone look at nature and the wonderful array of creatures that populate it, and conclude that everything happened by chance. But I digress - that's something for another time under a more philosophical heading. In any case, I had read about one of my good friend's latest toy; a Nikon D80, in her blog and it reminded me how I've wanted to do likewise and learn about photography. (Her name's Lay Suan by the way - I'll start using names cos I've been asked as to why the secrecy - ha ha.) Of course, I fought the feeling for a while thinking that it was just pure envy. But it refused to go away, and I recently jokingly blamed Lay Suan for successfully tempting me to follow in her footstep.

Having tried out my new camera, I must say that it can do wonders. I never knew that shooting in dim light was possible without the flash. Essentially, you just need to slow down the shutter speed or increase the aperture value, both of which allows more light into the camera. But the effect as compared to flash shots is so different; the pictures are softer and they convey a more dreamy atmosphere while being vivid at the same time. I'm sure I'm just scratching the surface of what a dslr camera can do. But as of now, I'm totally intrigued and I might just graduate to something more advanced sooner than I think. But I shouldn't get ahead of myself in case I lose steam along the way and my new toy becomes relegated to the recess of my drawer. I know this is sacrilegious to die-hard shutterbugs, and I've been warned that shutterbugs will argue aggressively over which brand is better, so I should tread carefully lest I insult aficionados' sensitivities.

Resolutions

2008-06-10T14:11:00.003+08:00

Not too long ago, I was musing to myself that I needed to tweak some of my resolutions for the year. I've never been one to list down the things I should do at the start of each year. But I did so during this Chinese New Year (CNY) as the urge finally came upon me. I had asked 'to have the wisdom to change when the time has come for me to do so'. I've not talked about this before, but I also added specific things I wanted to do this year subsequently; like serving in church, running the marathon, among others. So far, I've served in my church and started a blog (I count this as one of my resolutions even though it was started before CNY), so that leaves running the marathon and a few other small resolutions. Given that I'm still reeling from the toe incident, I think I should try for the half-marathon instead. At least, I can still say I've achieved half of this resolution - ha ha. I can imagine my friends thinking that this is more lame than I was when I was nursing my injured toe.

Anyway, the thing about resolutions is this: they are or should be an expression of how you see your life turning out in the new year. By this, I'm talking about a vision of your future, be it 1 year or a decade down the road. Having a vision can be a powerful thing because it pulls you into the future that you envisage for yourself. Without one, the risk of being stuck in the past is very real. The past can encumber your present and spoil your future. But even if you've a vision of the future, you need to work on it today. Today is what you have to start the journey into the future. The past is the todays that are gone from our lives. The future is determined by how you live today. Each today that you seize to enhance your life in some ways will stand you in good stead going forward. So today is the day that you start on the rest of your life.

I've not talked about how your vision should be determined; which should be based on finding out your purpose in life and determining how to bring out your full potential, as this is rather personal. Depending on your spiritual disposition, you may have different ideas of your purpose in life and how you should live your life. But one thing's for sure, that which gives you the most value is your calling in life. For some, they may have neglected that something which brings true joy to their soul. For others, they may be the lucky ones who end up doing what they like and getting paid for it. Sometimes, I wish I could write for a living. But in my current job as a HR person, I do write a fair bit, so maybe this is my calling in life.

The Important Things in Life

2008-06-03T00:09:00.000+08:00

In the last 1-2 years, which was the most traumatic period of my life, I've realised that there are only 2 important things in life. If you get them right, then you should be fine. If not, then there's a good chance that things will not be hunky dory. Essentially, you must have a faith that guides you and you must be careful who you marry or befriend.

In this world that we live in, we are constantly bombarded by all sorts of rubbish. They're downloaded into us by what we read, what we see and what we listen to. Unless you've a moral compass, or better still a spiritual anchor, you're likely to have everybody else dump trash in your mind without you even knowing it. By trash, I mean all the self-centred, consumer-based and hedonistic nonsense that masquerades as the essentials of a good life. Basically, their bottom line is that things will make you happy and fulfilled. But trust me, things will never be able to do that. They merely fill a void that hungers for more than what materialism can offer. And even then, there's no satisfaction once you've possession of it. You need to go for the next big current thing to get the same high as before. What makes a person happy and fulfilled is knowing that there's a higher purpose in life, that they are precious in who they are and that they can choose not to be swept along by the world. Only then can they truly connect with other people and it is in relationships that we are truly satisfied, both with our spiritual maker and fellow mankind.

Which brings me to the other important thing in life. For those who have found that special someone to spend the rest of their life with, you must think very carefully before taking the plunge. While its important to feel passion (which can degenerate into lust), you should also think about practical things. Like whether you're truly compatible, both in the spiritual as well as material aspects. You may think that love can conquer all, but truth be told, this is not always the case. If you jump in with nothing more than euphoria to sustain your marriage, then you're in for a rough ride. On the other hand, if you've decided on a mate based on whether you can click in the long term, then its likely to be more enduring. Your marriage would be so much more fulfilling and resilient to all sorts of challenges. The same principle applies to friends because they've a tremendous impact on your life directly or indirectly. No man's an island and we cannot survive holed up on our own without interacting with the rest of humanity. But choose who you marry or befriend carefully for they've the potential to edify or encumber you and your life.

Human Stupidity 2

2008-05-23T15:25:00.001+08:00

Due to human stupidity, I recently injured my left fourth toe. Alright, it almost came off because my left foot was caught in the kitchen door. Based on the responses I've been getting, it seems that people are baffled as to how a grown man like me could've put his toe in such peril, not to mention getting it caught in the door in the first place. I'm sure they must've thought that such acidents happened only to kids. Even teenagers should be free from such everyday threats to life and limb. Obviously, a more detailed explanation is in order - it doesn't pay to be modest when people already think you're stupid. So for those of you who haven't been to my house, the living room is elevated vis-a-vis the kitchen and the kitchen door closes in towards the living room. So I was standing between the 2 areas, and my left foot was perched with my toes dangling from the living room towards the kitchen. When the kitchen door closed on my foot, it was wedged against the elevated edge of the living room area, hence the extent of the injury and even more serious dent to my ego. So there you go - never do what I did while entertaining conflicting thoughts. In my case, it was deciding whether to proceed to the living room (where my dinner was sans condiments) or return to the kitchen (to get the aforesaid condiments). Your mind, while capable of a host of magnificent functions and endowed with immense creative potential, may not always coordinate all your bodily actions in perfection. So in the instance while I decided to head back to the kitchen, my hand was still closing the door behind me with my foot still perched where it was. I can imagine my friends; and some have confessed to doing so, having a good laugh out of this but be careful you don't get stitches.

Which reminds me - I had my stitches taken out last Friday. One of my colleagues told me that it'd be a bit painful, so you can imagine my concern on the way to the hospital. But the doctor was nice about it and assured me that except for some blood, it should not hurt too much. I was thinking "did he say blood? That's not exactly reassuring right?" He added that they don't even give patients an anesthetia before taking out their stitches. So I grimaced and expected the worst; courtesy of what I experienced when the freak accident happened. But as it turned out, it was rather unwarranted. I wouldn't say it was painless, but it felt more like an ant bite - 4 to be exact for each of the stitches I had. On the whole, it was tolerable except when the nurse did something to the wound that she shouldn't have for it elicited a short but rather painful response. What was worse was the worried look on her face, which she then promptly transferred to me exponentially when she went out for a second opinion. I calmed down only after the senior nurse who came in proclaimed that all was well and I could go home without having my toe bandaged. But she indulged me when I asked if it was safe for it to be exposed to the elements when it was still healing.

So this marks the end of my ordeal although I'm sure it'd take a while before I can run again. There goes the Marina Bay Run, which I had wanted to take part in to get up to speed for the year-end marathon. It's one of the Chinese New Year resolutions I made this year, so we'll see how things go. In any case, June is almost upon us, so it may be timely to take stock of my resolutions. There's still time to tweak some of them ... hmmm.

History

2008-05-22T19:18:00.000+08:00

When I was in university, I majored in history and economics. But it is history that has always been my first love, which was why I opted to do a fourth year in the discipline. And truth be told, it was the best year of my tertiary education, what with attending seminars and writing an academic exercise, not to mention the mischiefs that honours students get up to.

For some of my friends and many of my relatives, they never understood my fascination with history. To them. the past is passe and should stay that way - there's no value in studying what had transpired in the corridors of time. But I must respectfully object because history is more than a collection of facts about the past. In many instances, facts have nothing to do with history. History is what the victors made it out to be. (You don't see the vanquished writing history, do you?) Very often, this is to justify their victory and legitimise their subsequent rule. Even when facts are involved, there can be different versions of history because they are told by human beings with differing backgrounds and beliefs. So history is about the interpretation of facts and they can change over time. Revisionism, in particular, is about rewriting history with either newly discovered information or a reinterpretation of existing information. The assumption being that history, as it has been traditionally told, may not be entirely accurate.

On a personal level, history is more relevant to us than we know. For example, most of us are or were curious about who our ancestors were and where they hailed from. The desire to know our roots speaks of the need for personal histories to centre ourselves and define our place within the greater society. Everyday, we are also drawing upon our personal histories to navigate through the physical and social realms. Without referencing our past, life can be difficult, if not impossible. Just look at those with Alzheimer's disease and you'd know what I mean. So history is extremely relevant, even if people are not always aware that they use it everyday of their lives.

Time Travel

2008-05-08T11:11:00.000+08:00

As you already know, I do quite a fair bit of reading. The books I read range from non-fiction to serious scientific stuff. I started reading the latter genre during my national service days. And the first book I read was Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History of Time". It was an intriguing book, partly because I understood so little of it and partly because it talked about time travel. I'm sure we've all thought about going back and forth in time. There must have been something that we did or said or did not do or say that we'd have preferred to do the reverse then. (Of course I wouldn't mind going back in time to catch myself slamming the door against my toe ... sigh.) But once done or said, whether in the positive or negative, there's no turning back the clock for their effects will ripple through time into the future. While to err may be human, not to err is definitely more divine than having forgiveness after one has erred. For not everything can be forgiven by those whom you've hurt and human nature is such that hurt will stay with the person one way or another. And even when one is forgiven, the deed is seldom forgotten. Only God can forgive and forget our mistakes, no matter how grievous the harm to others or ourselves due to our deeds or words.

I remember reading what one writer said, which was that he would like to have 2 lives. One to make mistakes and the other to live without having to make those same mistakes. But alas, this is not to be, so the way forward must be to learn from our mistakes, endeavour never to make them again and make amends no matter how long it takes. But so many of us wallow in self pity that we pick ourselves up and put the past behind us only after a long while. Or we may not even realise the folly of our ways until they stare us squarely in the face, although I've always believed that people in this category are more self-delusional than anything else. In any case, life has a way of making you wake up to the realities of your existence sooner or later. So until such time we have a time machine, we should take care to live our lives in a way that do good to ourselves and others.

Choose to be Happy

2008-05-05T10:05:00.001+08:00

Has it ever occur to you that we don't exercise the choice to be happy very often? How we feel tends to be a function of our circumstances. If we're going through good times, we feel happy. If not, then the reverse is true. But we do see those who're happy despite going through adversities. And unless they're crazy or delirious, then they must have decided to feel happy.

How do they do it? From what I can see, the answer runs the gamut from giving in to fighting on. Either way, the consequence is they're happy or at least happier than before. For those who throw in the towel, they no longer feel the need to fight their situation. There's a calmness that comes from not caring and being bothered anymore. They know that worrying will not solve anything. But instead of focusing on what needs to be done, they simply throw up their hands and quit.

For others who refuse to bow to their circumstances, they have a conviction that their situation is transient. That what they need to do is to steel themselves and press on. They know that "this too will pass", as has happened before. They take comfort in the light at the end of the tunnel and they believe that they will come out of their circumstances a better person.

Personally, I want to be the second kind of person. I want to have the strength of character to weather storms and survive difficulties. No one ever said that life was a bed of roses and bad things that happen give us a chance to grow and mature. We need the right perspective though. If we go through our situation resenting it and never letting it go after it has passed its time and place in our lives, then we risk being bitter. Bitterness can cast a long shadow in your life if you don't let it go. I don't think I need to elaborate on what it can do to you, right?

Human Stupidity

2008-05-04T23:46:00.003+08:00

When I was growing up, I developed a predilection for quotes, especially those of the humourous persuasion. I especially liked Mark Twain's quotes. They're funny but with grains of truth littered throughout them. For example, he once remarked that "all you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure". Besides Twain, I've encountered countless other writers with witty quotes and one of them pertained to human stupidity. Essentially, it warned that we should never underestimate human stupidity because it'll always better itself. And this has been true throughout my life in the things I've witnessed people say and do.

But last night, while having dinner at home, I paid personal homage to the abovementioned quote. I was leaving the kitchen and heading back to the living room when I realised that I forgot my condiments. (How can you have pasta without some salt and pepper - it just won't do.) The problem was I was closing the door behind me when I decided to go back to the kitchen. Because of this, my left foot was perched on the ledge between the 2 areas and before I could swing back the door, it made contact with my foot and cut into my left fourth toe. What I thought was a normal bruise turned out to be much worse than expected. The force of the door slamming against my small toe almost severed it and the doctor at the hospital told me later that I had also fractured the bone. This diagnosis, however, came a good 45 minutes after I went to the hospital because the radiologist had to be called in to give me an x-ray. In any case, the nice doctor gave me a local anaesthetic (which he correctly warned would be painful) before he sewed up my toe. He gave me 4 stitches to be exact and 2 days of MC as testimonies of my stupidity.

Looking at my toe now, I'm not sure if it was pay back for all the snide remarks I've made about people saying and doing stupid things. If it was, poetic justice sure has a sense of humour because I cannot, for the life of me, imagine being hurt in a more stupid manner. So while this episode was painful, it was also deeply humbling. I guess if there's any good that comes from this accident, its that stupidity can happen to the best of us - not that I claim to be one of the best - but that it takes very little to give stupidity a leeway to tumble you into ignominy. Of course, the most common cause is complacency. Taking anything for granted, such as your sense of self-worth, your loved ones or even the fact that you should be able to get from one room to another without hurting yourself, is a sure recipe for disaster.

Words Are Never Just Words

2008-03-22T18:11:00.012+08:00

Words are containers of power. They can build up a person or tear him down, and thereby move him along the right or wrong path. They can galvanise people into constructive or destructive action, and consequently shape the course of history. One only needs to recall JFK's speech where he exhorted the American people to ask not what their country can do for them, but what they can do for their country and Hitler's speech about Lebensraum (living space) for Germans which precipitated WWII and caused the death of millions. The right words spoken at the right time can escalate or defuse a situation, and skew the course of events at the personal, national or international level.

On a personal level, the words we speak come from our hearts and define our existence. For a pessimistic person who expects things to turn out badly, he's likely to spout gloom and doom, and this is how his life will unfold. For an optimist who looks forward to favourable outcomes, he's likely to look at the brighter side of things and his life will be enjoyable and promising. Between the 2, most people would prefer the company of optimists as they're more fun and less destructive. Such people are also gregarious and enjoy other peoples' company, as opposed to pessimists who just want others to commiserate with them. Of course, this doesn't mean that we should avoid negative people, especially if they're our friends.

I've learned that the right attitude, and that includes having an optimistic outlook, is key in life. If you've a bad attitude, no one's gonna like you very much and its unlikely you'll find success in anything you do. If you've a right attitude, the words that you say will be encouraging and uplifting, and they can define your existence and that of another person in a good way.

Know Thyself

2008-03-22T00:05:00.020+08:00

I'm always amazed at how many things we think of to occupy the spaces in our lives. I'd have thought that since we live hectic lives, we'd appreciate having time to ourselves. But strangely enough, this is not the case. As if it's not enough to be busy at work, we need also to be busy outside of work. We pack things into our lives so that we can boost of living fruitfully and productively.

But how about spending time with ourselves? Listening to our thoughts and getting in touch with our feelings. I'm not talking about being a new age sensitive person. That, I think, is just being oversensitive and no one likes a naggy and petty person. I'm referring to knowing ourselves so that we're aware of what makes us tick, what makes us happy and contented and what makes us who we are. Very often, we go through life assimilating the wants and desires of other people (our parents, friends and society at large). We end up being one of the masses with no unique personality. To illustrate, one only needs to recall the movie "Runaway Bride". Julia Roberts' character never knew what she wanted until the right man played by Richard Gere came along. Her perpetual cold feet at the altar was not so much a sign of her inabilty to commit, but of her failure to find out what she wanted. And we're not talking about just what kind of man she liked. She didn't even know how she wanted her eggs done - sunny side up, scrambled, poached etc.

So for our own sake and sanity, we should sit up and listen to ourselves more. In the long run, it'll save us a lot of heartaches. For if you know yourselves, your decisions are likely to be what you want. If not, the break between what you choose and what you really want will come sooner or later. If it's a major decision and you choose wrongly, then be prepared to bear the consequences for a long time to come.

My 3 'Rs' of Life

2008-03-18T22:38:00.007+08:00

Lately, my life seems to be defined by words starting with the letter 'R'. In fact, there are 3 words to be exact. Besides reading, all I seem to do in between is running and reminiscing. Of course, there's work but I'm talking about what I do after work and on weekends in case my bosses get the wrong idea ; )

Reading is something which I've always loved. Books have an ability to transport you to seemingly parallel universes or to another world that you'll never know of, if not for our glorious writers. I'm very much taken by how a new book smells, how it feels to the touch and how it promises to deliver a good read. There's so much anticipation wrapped up between the covers of a book, and I suspect an equal amount of disappointment for those who are eventually let down. But I believe that those gems of a read that come one's way make up for the other not-so-good ones that you've to go through in the process. Or perhaps we should be less critical of the normal reads because they still satisfy the desire for a good story, albeit to a much lesser extent than if one were to read a great book.

Besides reading, I also like to run. Unless you're into running, its difficult for me to explain the indescribable feeling of achievement when you've gone the extra mile or better your previous timing. And of course, let's not forget the endorphin rush that faithfully awaits you at the end of each run, and how it never fails to propel you to euphoric highs. For me, running also allows me to discipline myself as I tend to run alone. When you're trudging along on the road and both your mind and body yell at you at the top of their voices that they wanna go home, you need discipline to shut them out and continue running. But of course, there're days when they prevail and I go home after 10 minutes or less ... sigh.

Last but not least, I'm into reminiscing these days. Perhaps I'm getting older and the good old days are beckoning me from the recesses of my mind. Or maybe I've mellowed and I'm learning to appreciate people I've met and things I've experienced in a new light. Either way, I'm sure there's a balance to be struck between reminiscing about the past and living in the present, while keeping your eyes on the future. So there you have it - my life as defined by the 3 'R' words.

Food for Thought

2008-03-18T22:19:00.002+08:00

For those who know me well, I can come across as a foodie. This is because I really like my food and I'm prepared to drive to out-of-the-way places to try out new finds. I also heartily share with them good makan places whose cuisine I've savoured or delectable eateries I've stumbled upon. Most of my friends appreciate how I go ga ga over good food, but one went to the extent of labelling me an epicurean. Trust me, I did a double take too when she called me that. An epicurean is someone who's fond of luxury or indulgence in sensual pleasures, especially in eating and drinking. You can imagine my indignation because I merely wanted to avoid wasting calories on yucky food.

When it comes to people who love their food, the question inevitably arises as to whether they live to eat. Or should it be a case that we eat to live. The former seeks to indulge the physical and physiological, with no regard for the higher purpose of living. One only needs to think of Socrates' axiom that the unexamined life is not worth living to see where I'm coming from. The latter looks at food as nothing more than fuel for our physical and mental activities, and disregards its importance in the enjoyment of life. The answer, like most answers, lies somewhere in between the 2 extremes. The key to enjoying life while seeking out its meaning is moderation. We should neither just live to eat nor eat to live. [Not that doing either exclusively is possible in practice, except maybe the good old Romans who used to dine till they puked, after which they went back for more food.] Rather, we should embrace good cuisine as one of the main ingredients of an enjoyable life while maintaining a proper perspective on its purpose in sustaining our existence.

Serendipity

2008-03-18T19:07:00.007+08:00

The dictionary explains serendipity as an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident or good fortune. For me, I can't say I've not had my share of good fortunes. But some of these turned out to be bad from hindsight, so I'm inclined to wager that most people wouldn't say they live serendipitous lives. For others, its a case of simply not recognising such moments and missing out on simple gestures of kindness that God or Lady Luck, depending on your religious persuasion, chooses to dispense to them.

Don't get me wrong, this is not an attempt at promoting my jadedness. I'm simply trying to extrapolate my personel experiences and those of my friends' to arrive at a fact of life. I won't even say its a truth for that's another matter altogether and which is eternal regardless of our circumstances. Anyway, I always joked about squandering my quota of luck during my childhood years to my friends. When I was a kid, I had the uncanny ability to come out tops in most lucky draws. But being a primary-school-going boy, the kind of lucky draws I took part in had a limited range of prizes, to say the least. My most notable win was 2 tickets to the Star Wars premiere from participating in a Walls ice cream lucky draw contest. Among my other wins were colour pencil sets, books and other scholastic essentials. Of course, they meant the world to me when I was young. But once I realise that my luck had run out in my teenage years, I really wish I had used my quota more sparingly.

Back to why I think people don't generally live serendipitous lives. It's because the world we live in today moves at such a fast pace that most of us have trouble catching up. If you spend your time catching up, i.e., knowing the latest news, developments and trends, then its almost impossible to have a serendipitous moment. If you cannot recognise such a moment for what it is because you're too caught up with moving with the flow, then you might as well not have it. For once such a moment has passed its proper place in time, then its worth and value to you would cease or at least dissipate to such a degree that its purpose is lost significantly. So if possible, try taking time out to smell the flowers. I know its very cliche, but its the only way you can stop merely existing and really live your life. I sound like I'm pontificating but all my friends agree with me on this, and its backed up by an average of 30 or so years of experience, so there you go.

Why, Oh Why?

2008-03-18T18:37:00.005+08:00

Starting a blog has always been my one of my many resolutions, but there's something masochistic about laying bare one's inner thoughts and emotions. This is why this blog took such a long time to gestate, although some would attribute it to good-old-fashioned procrastination. Truth be told, I've always known that I would've a blog - it was just a matter of time. But there's been so many false starts that it felt for a while that this was not meant to be.

Now that I'm going to write down my thoughts, I feel obliged to say why I started this blog. For as long as I can remember, I've always loved the written and spoken word. I'm amazed at how words can evoke the most loving or terrifying response, and how it controls our lives more than we care to admit. Words are vessels of power that can build up or destroy one's lives. They are the medium through which our thoughts and feelings impact those around us, be it good or bad. They can galvanise people to a noble cause, such as Churchill rallying the English people to stand up to Hitler. They can also sway the masses to turn a blind eye to evil, such as how the Germans went along with Hitler's systemic extermination of the Jews.

After all that's said and done, this blog basically details what I think and how I feel about things that I see or experience. If they go against what you think or how you feel, I beg your kind indulgence in pardoning my inpudence or insensitiveness. But if they resonate with you one way or another, please share your thoughts with me and others.